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LANCASTER, UK - Yesterday, a
researcher at the University of
Lancaster declared he's done with
what he called "that wireless rat
race". Tired of changing the
batteries of his wearable computer,
German scientist Albrecht S. vowed
to never use wireless communication
again.
"Looook!", he
hollers while showing his hands,
"look at what those little bastards
did! My hands are all cramped by
changing batteries every damned
day!". But it is not just the
demanding power requirements that
irritate him about wireless
transmission modules: "And what
about the health risks of these
radio waves? I'm telling you,
dragging wires behind me is not
such a bad alternative."
And that's just
what he decided to do; equipped
with approximately 500 metres of
Ethernet cable, Albrecht S. makes
his rounds through the halls of his
office building. "Notice how my
colleagues are always able to track
me down? All they need to do is
follow my cable! No GPS, no
Infrared or RF beacons, no
invisible wireless crap: It is
straightforward, user-friendly, and
reliable!"
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Albrecht S., while demonstrating
that it is perfectly possible to
groove away on a Polish Polka,
while connected to the internet
without a wireless
link.
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Co-workers
responded with less enthusiasm. One
of them, who wishes to remain
anonymous, mentions that a lot of
accidents have been occurring since
the cable was introduced in the
office environment. "It's not just
people tripping over that cable",
Christian D. complains, referring
to an incident last Friday when he
was sleeping at his desk- not
noticing the cable slowly slipping
around his neck after Albrecht S.
walked by.
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Dragging all 40 pounds of his
personal network cable through the
offices of the university, Albrecht
S. boosted the personal injury
statistics around the area with
356% in merely three days. Warning
signs have been posted in all
corridors.
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"I would have been strangled if it
wasn't for my scissors, but instead
of a sorry, I got smacked on the
head because I disconnected his
network and power! Can you believe
this guy?".
Another
often-heard criticism in the
department's corridors is the
limitations this cable would have
for the mobility of Albrecht S.,
the more as he is a researcher in
mobile and wearable computing. He
responds however with a shrug: "Ha!
I'm as flexible and mobile as
before: Watch me!". After a
five-minute Polka-session, we
quickly left the room as he started
to wrap himself in his cable during
a break-dance spinner.
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